I have resigned from my current job here in Singapore and will be moving to NZ in just under 2 months. The exact date for my move has not been set yet, but will most likely be September 19 or 20. My last day at work here in Singapore will be on September 17, 2017, I will spend two or three days packing my things, and will then be flying off with a one way ticket to Wellington.
This change may come as a surprise to many of you, as it has to me as well, but I am very much looking forward to the future.
Now, how this all came about.... I have met a wonderful Canadian named Jason who has invited me to join him for his next job assignment in New Zealand and after much debate, both internally and between the two of us, we have decided it is a risk worth taking and soon we will be hoping that our grand experiment turns out for the best.
Jason will be starting his job in Wellington on August 15th but unfortunately I am not able to tidy everything up in Singapore so quickly. I will be flying down to Wellington on August 16th for 6 days so we can hopefully find a house together and then will be going back to Singapore for four more weeks of work before my final move.
During the decision making process it was a huge emotional roller coaster, and again even after the decision was finalized. I was so confident that once I finally resigned from my job, and there was no turning back, I would feel much better. But in the end, I didn't, and I immediately started to worry I had made the wrong decision.
That was, until, one day last week when I received the following story in my e-mail box as part of The Happiness Project Blog daily e-mail:
As I’ve mentioned many times, I love examples of someone knowing the right thing to say.
In this case, a doctor said the right thing to my friend — when she admitted to feeling a little let down by the news that she was going to give birth to a boy. She’d been so excited to be having a baby, boy or girl, but when she heard the news, she felt a bit sorry.
He told her, “Of course you feel this way. Before you knew if you were having a boy or a girl, you could look forward to both experiences. Now you know that you’re having a boy. It’s natural to feel regret about the future that’s not going to happen.”
I thought that was such a wise observation. Sometimes in life, going down one path means abandoning another path. And it’s natural to feel regret about the path not taken. That doesn’t mean you’re unhappy with the path you’re on.
Although I'm not having a baby, this is exactly how I was feeling. Before I have totally finalized my decision, I was still about to envision my life going down both paths, 1) here in Singapore, with my great job at one of the top bars in the world, living in the tropics, in Asia, in such an exotic place or 2) taking an opportunity to prioritize my personal life, try to make a partnership work with a wonderful person, have another exciting move that will put my life in a whole new and unpredictable direction.
Once the decision was final, all I could think about was what I was no longer going to have here in Singapore. And many of the things I was starting to worry I would miss, are things I don't even enjoy or prioritize when I'm living here.
After reading this passage, it all made sense, and I was able to stop feeling guilt about my feelings of regret and accept that I can be sad about not continuing my journey here in Singapore but that does not mean that I made the wrong decision nor does it mean it will make my time in Wellington any less good.
As well, a few months ago I hung the following quote up on my wall:
You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.
This quote is said by the grandmother in Parenthood. I first remember writing down this quote on one of those contact cards you would use in a rolodex when I was in treatment. Looking back now, I 'm sure exactly what I got out of the quote at the time. I do see it may be relevant if the merry-go-round is sticking with my eating disorder and the roller coaster is going through treatment and trying to get better. But anyways, Jason and I always remind each other of this quote now whenever things are feeling difficult, knowing that it won't be so hard when we are back together again in NZ.
That is my update for today.
Hope everyone is well!
