The Sadness is Setting In

It is Sunday night right now, 11:00pm, and I am flying down to NZ in three days to spend the weekend with Jason, get acquainted with my new new, and try to find us a place to live. With the reality of this move starting to come up very quickly (as I have already started to pack up my things so I can take a fair bit with me on this trip) I am finding quite a bit of sadness setting in when I think about leaving Singapore.

Of course, as it always is, I never appreciated Singapore when I lived here. Well, maybe I shouldn't be quite so harsh, but now that I know it's coming to an end, I'm trying to suck every last bit of goodness out of my time here.

This evening I went out for dinner with some friends and when we finished up around 9:30pm, I walked all the way home, over 3 miles, by myself, at night, in the warm weather, and never once did I feel unsafe. What an amazing country this is! Jason keeps telling me Wellington is safe, and I'm sure it is, but I am also sure that I will never live in another place again where I feel as safe as I do here in Singapore. Unless, of course, I were to move back to Singapore.

I also realize, on this nice walk home, that I have spent more of my adult (post-college) life in Singapore than I have in any other country. This has become my adult home, and I am leaving it. There are so many things about my life here that I know could be better, but this is the life I have come to know so well, and it is very sad to see it coming to an end.

I am also feeling the end of my life as I have known it these last 4 years since I left the states. Once I move to Wellington, I won't just have myself to consider anymore, I will also have Jason. I can't just do what I want all the time, I will also have to think about his wants and needs. And I will lose that freedom I have had for such a long time.

But all that being said, I am feeling more and more confident with every passing day that this move to Wellington is by far the best decision I could have made. I no longer feel any hesitation or doubt, I feel only calm and confidence that I have made the correct choice. I am looking forward to being able to share my experiences with someone, to having a more steady and normal life, to being in a new county again (or at least a new part of a not-so-new country). I am so excited to head down this new path, sending my life in a completely new direction once again, and am looking forward to seeing where this new path leads. And I hope I will once again have more time so I an share these experiences with you once again.