This morning I had a nice long Skype call with my father and
I thought I would share some of it with you. Plus, it ties in nicely to a
conversation I had over lunch with a gentleman, Andrew, as well.
I called my father this morning to chat about the fact that
he’s been asking me to put photos on my blog and I haven’t done it. I was quite
annoyed with him for asking because I already spend so much time working on my
blog, along with everything else I try to do, that I get frustrated that he was
asking me to do more work. Plus, I was already feeling bad about the fact that
I haven’t put any up in quite a while. This is for 2 reasons, (1) I just
haven’t made the time to do it. I don’t always feel like I have the time, but
I could always make it and I just haven’t. and (2) I haven’t been taking as
many photos here in Asia as I was taking in other places. This is mainly
because having my camera out and standing around taking lots of photos,
especially in the more interesting parts of the cities like the markets and
such would make me stick out even more than I already do and I don’t always
want to bring that added attention to myself. I try to look as little like a
tourist as possible, and I think I tend to do a rather good job. I rarely pull
out a map in public, I always walk like I know where I’m going even when I
don’t, and I tend not to stand around gawking at things like a tourist would
do. And in a city like Bangkok, where so many white people do live, it is
plausible that I could live here and I want people to think that I do.
Since we are currently staying in a rather touristy part of
town, being in our immediate neighborhood would imply that I am likely a
tourist. And since I can’t speak a work of Thai there isn’t a ton that I can do
to make people think I’m not. And being white, and a woman, you get a lot of
unwanted attention. Now I’m starting to finally get to what I was talking with
my father about this morning: It is exhausting being a woman in Asia not
traveling with a man. And this seems to be something most men just don’t
understand.
Simply walking down the street you get a lot more attention
than a man would, or than a woman would who is walking with a man. Men are
constantly calling to you, they don’t respect that when you say “no” to
whatever they are offering that means no, and when you decline their offer for
a taxi or tuktuk they think the next plausible question to ask is “where are
you going?” or “where are you staying?” as if that is any of their business.
Now I’m sure this happens to men and couples as well, but I can’t imagine a lot
of men in the west asking a single woman walking down the street where she is
going or where she is staying if they didn’t have the intention of trying to
make her feel uncomfortable. Here, this doesn’t seem to occur to them, or they
don’t seem to care.
It is also an adjustment being in a country where everywhere
people are constantly trying to scam you. The government, police, and all the
tourist organizations, as well as the tourists, are well aware of this.
Everyone is constantly warning you about being scammed. And this then puts you
on the defensive regarding pretty much anyone who approaches you. And I just
don’t like living like this – like I can’t trust anyone, that if someone offers
to help me find a place I’m looking for or offer me something I need I
shouldn’t trust them. When I walk down the street I put my blinders on, keep my
eyes pointing forward, ignoring everyone that calls out to me, and I this puts
me in a bad mood. I am a generally outgoing and trusting and friendly person
but living in a place like this teaches you not to be that way and I’m getting
tired of it. I just want to get back to a place where strangers do care, and
you can trust people for the most part.
And this brings me up to my next point – I am sick of people
tell me where I should and shouldn’t go, what I should and shouldn’t do, etc… I
know I was guilty of this when I worked at Ortolana, but I don’t like being on
the receiving end and am thus going to try to put in a concerted effort not to
give out unsolicited advice about other people’s vacations. I don’t care to go
out every night in Bangkok – and that’s okay. I didn’t like Kuala Lumpur
because I though it was unsafe – and that is my experience, not yours, and if
yours was different it doesn’t mean mine wasn’t real. I don’t want to go to
Phuket – and I just don’t want to go so don’t tell me I should. And unless
someone asks me about what I think they should or shouldn’t do when they go to
America or New Zealand or anywhere else they might be going, I’m going to try
to keep my mouth shut about whatever they are doing.
This especially keeps happening when Elizabeth and I tell
people we want to move to Singapore, and this happened to me at lunch today
with Andrew, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. And people tell me it is a
bad idea is only making me want to go there and prove everyone wrong and show
them how great of a city Singapore really is.
So at lunch today I met a gentleman named Andrew. He was
born in Chicago but raised in London and has now been living the last 7 years
in Asia – the first year in India and now the last 6 in Bangkok. I told him
today that I wanted to live in Singapore and he didn’t agree that it is good
place to live. He asked me why I wanted to live there, to which I told him that
it is safe and clean. He then asked me if these things are important to me – as
if they shouldn’t be – and I replied yes. He then asked me if I like the
“sterility” as well (this is the number one complaint I hear about Singapore,
that it’s “sterile” – and since everyone uses this exact same term it’s hard
for me to believe people aren’t simply regurgitating what others have told them
to think) and I told him that I want to live there and I’m not going to change
my mind. When you’re a 6’6” white male, safety likely isn’t something you think
about because you probably rarely feel unsafe. You don’t have men watching you
as you walk by, or following you through the streets. You don’t have people
asking you where you’re staying or how old you are. When you’re a 5’6” white
female, safety is something you think about a lot when you’re not in a western
country with a reliable police force and where you can understand what signals
men are sending and what the signals they think you are sending to them. I want
to live in Singapore, I am going to live in Singapore, and if people keep
telling me it’s a sterile country with no soul and that all these other places
I’ve been to are safe I’m just going to prove them all wrong. I am going to go
to Singapore on Wednesday, I am going to get myself a job, I am going to live
there safely for the next year, and then I am going to be Singapore’s number one
fan. And if you don’t agree, and you’re a man, than you can keep your opinion
to yourself. If you don’t agree and you are a single woman who is living
without a male partner in one of these other Asian countries I would love to
hear from you about your experience.
Now one other thing I have decided is that this is the
perfect opportunity for me to practice doing what I want to do, and not caring
what other people think. I will admit that this is not something that comes
easy to me. This is probably for a few different reasons, (1) I have always had
such supportive parents that I am used to them encouraging me to do what I
think is best. (2) I usually make good and responsible decisions so most other
people usually don’t have a reason not to support me. (3) My friends are
usually supportive of my decisions as well. (4) Most things I do usually work
out for the best so I am used to getting support – at least after the fact –
that I did the right thing. Now I’m not trying to say that I’m going to start
doing things that are dumb, but I am just going to start practicing doing as I
please, and not letting other people’s opinions bother me – although evident
from the first part of this post, they clearly do. I’m sure this will be a nice
long project for me, likely lasting many years.
I am going to move to Singapore because I feel safe there and
safety is important to me. I am going to move to Singapore because my wages
will be the highest there, even though cost of living will also be very high,
and because I like how efficient the city is. I am going to move to Singapore
because I enjoy living in a well-organized and clean city, even if some people
think it’s sterile. I am going to move to Singapore because people there speak
English and my customer service skills will be most appreciated there, even if
this means all my money will be going to rent. And I am going to enjoy it – and
if I don’t, I can always leave and move to Bangkok – a “safe” city, full of
culture and soul, and dirt, and creepy men, and obnoxious tourists, where few
people pay any attention to road rules, it takes for ever to get anywhere
because there are markets all over the sidewalks and way fewer people speak
either of the languages I know how to communicate in.
That’s all on that topic for now. Hopefully we won’t have to
revisit it anytime soon. With that I’m taking a break right now. I’ve got all
my photos up onto my computer now and will try to get a post together in the
next couple of days with some shots from Malaysia and Thailand.
Best!
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